The Most Reliable Companion for Life

Our life begins with our first inhalation followed by the most awaited loud cry marking the beginning of our life as an independent being. No matter in what circumstances we were born, from that moment on we have a companion for life in our breath until the end approaches again, and we depart with our long last exhalation. Maybe it’s time to honor our friend and use his generous offer to be there for us on more levels than simply keeping us alive?

Normally, breathing is an unconscious act - something given. We become more aware of it only when it becomes distorted, when we play sports and run out of breath, when we learn how to breathe between swimming strokes, when we are sick or afraid. That’s when we discover that our breath shortens. 

However, it can be so much more - a tool to calm ourselves down, to create space in our minds, to relax, to fall asleep, to boost our immune system, to survive, even a tool to sooth others. And it is THE tool to get mental distance in situations when our mind cannot see clearly anymore. With a bit of training, conscious breathing helps us to handle stress. Are you aware of that?

When humans feel attacked, there are three responses: freeze, fight or flee. This answer to an immediate life-threatening impact is unconscious and directed by our reptilian brain. The sympathetic nervous system completely takes over and we have little or no control of our reaction. When we become agitated to such an extreme, it takes our nervous system about 18 minutes to recover and calm down. This is 18 minutes where we don't think straight and are definitely not in good control of our reactions! This time can be increased if we add cognitive or emotive feedback loops, where we fuel the pattern of thoughts that further intensify our feelings. The trigger is long gone but, in our minds, we are still in the situation and we are feeding the state with emotions like fear or by going over the situation in our mind over and over. 

We all know by now that this is what happens. But don’t we have more capacities than a little gecko? How can we use the higher developmental tools of the frontal cortex in such a situation? How can we react not on autopilot, but with wisdom?

If we wish to support our parasympathetic nervous system to calm down faster, we have to become conscious that we are triggered in the first place and that our automatic response is in place. You will always react on a physical level in some way if the situation is possibly life-threatening. A parachute jumper always has an adrenaline high when jumping out of the plane, but it is a part of the game, and she knows how to handle it. And that’s why I suggest observing yourselves and becoming the master of any stressful situation however big or small. I’m going to share with you how you can, with some training, become more aware of your reactions and how to act differently to break free from the cognitive/emotive loops that we create.

Picture credit Birger Stahl / Unsplash

To begin, you should analyze yourself. Observe how you usually react. Can you notice a pattern? With which pattern do you usually react? Are you fighting, freezing or fleeing? Get to know your way of dealing with it because then you can use your reaction as an alarm system and activate your loyal companion, your breath, immediately.

Let’s say that your typical reaction is to freeze. Your muscles block any movement and your brain is not functioning as it usually does. Remember the feeling in your body from former events. Whenever you are able to notice this same reaction, start consciously breathing  slowly in and out. Prolong your breath with each inhale/exhale cycle. You will be amazed how much faster you will be able to observe the situation and see if it is wise to stay in the freeze reaction or behave differently. The easiest way to direct your breath is by counting. The longer you breathe out compared to your inhalation, the more soothing the effect will be.

If you normally are more inclined to fight back, you may notice the many subtle bodily signs which prepare you to launch an attack. You might be just about to raise your voice or even your hand, but if you notice it early enough it might be wiser to leave the room and calm yourself down before reacting to the situation. Breathe slowly and deeply and just observe the rising energy in you. If you keep your attention in your body, you will notice a slight and constant change. Slowly, your immediate impulses to react will become less strong or even dissolve. Use the time to look at the situation, include different reflective perspectives and then you can decide how to react wisely. You and the other person will surely come out of the situation better when you come back after this short break.

If you normally are someone to flee, when you feel your muscles getting ready to do exactly that, create a moment while you are breathing with intent to observe if this is really the smartest move to make. Perhaps you’ll discover that you can stay and face the situation. Maybe even talk? 

There are many bodily signs, like partial hearing and seeing, sweaty hands, cramps or butterflies in the stomach, a stiff neck, or irregular breathing when you are triggered or stressed. I, for example, always noticed one little vein swelling at my temple when I had just  had too much. When I was young I was prone to migraines, and this was later my sign of its onset. Once I understood the mechanism, the vein became very handy as it showed me very early when to slow down. I encourage you to consciously observe your specific signs and notice which ones are typical for you. A stressed mind will react more like a child. It is better to gain the skills to create the needed space to solve the situation with a broad overview, and that all begins with your breath. It may take some time, don’t worry, once you have identified your triggers, you will sooner be able to shift your way of behaving.

The little pause you create in your mind by breathing consciously is gold. Start by finding out where in your body you feel triggered the most. Mark this place and sensation. Breathe slowly in and out, connect with your body and then reflect a bit if your habitual way to react is indeed meaningful in the long run. You might judge the situation very differently with the help of your adult, relaxed brain. You are, in essence, creating a distance from your emotions in order to assess the situation better, as you might discover a new, better way. If you consciously learn to breathe slowly in and out when only slightly agitated, your body and mind will learn to connect with your breath and relax faster. This will create space in your mind. You are right there, in the moment. Enjoy it as long as it lasts. Of course, you can gain the effect by calling the process meditation but you can also just focus consciously on breathing in and out in whatever situation sitting, standing, or walking. It is no more simple than that. Later, a single conscious breath will be able to change your automatic response and state of mind. 

Can’t you already feel the freedom?

Try this:

·        Get to know your breath by counting the length of your breath in 1-2-3-4 and out 1-2-3-4. 

·        Deepen your breath by putting your hands on your belly and follow its movement with every breath.

·        Calm your nervous system by breathing out longer than in: (1-2-3-4 in and 1-2-3-4-5-6)