When Silence became my friend.

When I lived in Paris, I met one of my good friends in life: Silence, being alone with myself.

At 12, I didn’t like being alone in a room without music or TV on. At 16, I thought I couldn’t be only with myself. Slowly anxiety crept in. And then, at 23, I moved to Paris. So naturally, you would expect a busy, loud town full of adventures and offers for distraction.

However, it is here that I got to know myself on a deeper level. I started with a bit of meditation at the age of 19 and was on a quest. Now more alone than expected, I was not at ease in my first little flat, studying and meditating, confronted with myself.

I noticed a vague barrier inside, like a curtain, not knowing what it was. Nobody seemed to see or talk about it. To look behind was scary and captivating at the same time. I tried lifting the curtain whenever I was alone, but there was no way. So I tuned in — silence. Not one sound. Unbearable. I had to let go again — digesting. Would I find gold or an abyss?

It was a gentle movement to my inner self, which didn’t feel good, with oppressive feelings and darkness in front and behind that strange veil. I knew I would discover something. But what? I circled for months around it. Do I dare, or do I leave? However uncomfortable it was, my mind couldn’t let go of it. Finally, one day, I was ready.

After a long time of bearing the unknown, the curtain magically opened. I stepped in, stayed — and allowed… Silence to embrace me and Space to hold me. And life has never been the same again.

Champagne for the Mind #45 — May 20, 2023